LIE vs. lay

I can make this one easy as well: Stop using the words "lay," "lays," and "laying". Just stop it.

     Yes, of course that's too simplistic, but you rarely need those words.

To be more specific, ONLY use "lay" where you could also use "put".

I want to lay down.       I want to put down.       

     (Doesn't work. Use LIE)    I want to lie down.

While I was laying on the beach...      While I was putting* on the beach...

     (Doesn't work. Use LYING.)    While I was lying on the beach...

Fido! Go lay down!      Fido! Go put down!

     (Doesn't work. Use LIE.)     Fido! Go lie down! 

My ___ is so lazy. He just lays around all day!    My ___ is so lazy. He just puts around all day!

     (Doesn't work. Use LIES.)    He just lies around all day!

You can lay your coat on the chair over there.   You can put your coat on the sofa over there.

     (This one is fine. Go ahead and use LAY.)   

You see, the word "lay" requires a direct object, just like the word "put" does. That means you must lay SOMETHING somewhere, just like you have to put SOMETHING somewhere. You can't just put.

    You can lay a baby in a crib.
    You can lay a coat on a chair.
    You can lay yourself down to sleep and pray the Lord your soul to keep.
    You can lay the book you just finished reading on the coffee table.

But you can't just lay. In the above sentences, the direct object (the thing you are putting or laying somewhere) is underlined.

*By "putting" I mean "placing," not the golf term.

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Advanced course

Yes, sadly, the simple past tense form of "lie" is "lay". So the sentence "Yesterday I lay on the sofa for three hours" is correct. But why would you want to admit that? Why would you tell people where you were lying yesterday? They don't care.